Cyber bullying /harassment:

When we post on social platforms do we really care about what we write. Are we also bothered by the way we respond to people’s posts? Rude responses are harassment on their own. Cyber bullying has long term effects which are extremely detrimental. With this online learning going on as parents have we been checking what our children have been upto besides learning? Our children maybe harassing others or they are victims of cyber bullying. Unfortunately it is not children who bully other children 🤦‍♀️. There are adults who also bully others. Why do it. What do we benefit from such behaviour? This says a lot about an individual doing it. The one doing it is crying for attention. They need help but unfortunately they are opening up on the wrong platform and to the wrong people. For parents if we realise that our children are doing that to other children let’s talk to them about it. If we cannot do it let’s engage professionals so that our children are assisted by getting the necessary help before it gets out of hand. The children may be feeling all macho about it but it’s not healthy for them and the victims. As for adults what happened to kindness? What if we stay in our lanes minding our own businesses? When one is cyber bullied their self esteem is thrown into the bin . They feel worthless, unloved, useless, unwanted and powerless. They are humiliated. Emotionally they are affected too. The psychological aspect is also down trodden. Cyber bullying is not healthy at all regardless of the age group. Where possible let us not do it. Place yourself for a moment in the victim’s shoes. The one on the receiving end tends to suffer more although at the end of the day they both need help. Cyber harassment can lead to suicidal tendencies. If unchecked one can commit suicide. We surely do not want to lose a life because of something we can avoid. Let’s be kind, let’s not do what we don’t want done to us. By responding kindly we change someone’s worldview. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. Rubbing people the wrong way does not take away one’s challenges. Instead it worsens an already bad situation. In all our dealings let’s be very cautious so that we do not practice cyber bullying unknowingly. People are already in bad spaces, let’s not overburden them. Even if we are overwhelmed it does not grant us the green light to bully others. Let’s be extra careful of what we post and how we respond on the social platforms.

Trivialising

When people share their experiences they are not doing it so that we judge them. Neither are they asking us to accept them into our lives or circles. They are not seeking our approval. People talk about their experiences so as to conscientise us. They may be sharing their stories as testimonies. By trivialising issues we miss worthy lessons to learn. Whatever they tell us all we have to do is listen. If at all we feel we can’t help them we can remain silent or refer them where we think they can get the necessary help. At times they open up to us for our benefit so that we are encouraged. The least we can do is trivialise their issue. Trivialising the issue is much more than the experience. By trivialising the issue we are brushing them aside. We are telling them to go away. We are basically telling them to go and offload elsewhere. Trivialising another’s issue means we are not bothered. The spirit of not showing any concern injures them emotionally and psychologically. When we trivialise their issue we are disempowering them. If possible listen to what they have to say and refer them if we feel we can’t help them. In any event they may not be in need of help but we will quickly dismiss them. By sharing their experience the least we can do is ask them how we can help. Let us not rub it in. The person maybe hurting hence the need to refer them to professionals instead of trivialising their case. We should never trivialise issues we have never experienced. The journey is better understood by the person who travelled it. By offering a shoulder to lean on we lose nothing. By trivialising other people’s experiences we are indirectly happy that it happened to them. We are also of the view that it was supposed to be worse or they should have died as a result of the experience. Let’s be very careful how we handle people’s experiences lest it comes out as trivialising their experience. Trivialising other people’s issues makes them accept whatever happened to them. No issue is a small issue. Trivialising is too disrespectful.

Suggesting

Suggesting makes one acceptable. While suggesting one considers the other person’s feelings. By suggesting one is open to corrections. Suggestions are open. Suggestions invite everybody to express themselves. Suggestions show that everyone is empowered. Each and everyone’s voice is heard. Suggestions do not discriminate. Through suggestions everyone is involved. All suggestions are considered and carry the same weight. Suggestions cover everybody. All are welcome with their views. Suggestions involve everybody. Noone is sidelined as long as they suggested something. If it is clearly stated that all suggestions are acceptable people freely contribute. Rather than impose things on people it is advisable to suggest. Resistance sets in due to imposition. Impositions come with forcing against another’s will. Instead of imposing rather suggest so that people are respected. By asking people to suggest, people gladly do so because they feel honoured and respected. Humility is seen in asking people to suggest. Imposition has some intonation of disrespect. Therefore it is commendable to suggest than impose. As long as people feel disrespected they are bound not to participate. For progress and participation ask for suggestions. Suggestions say ‘we are one, your input is valuable, and without you there is no program’. Let’s endeavour to suggest so that we journey with people in the programme.

Another chance

Another chance to be kind, another chance to love, another chance to learn, another chance to unlearn the bad things/habits, another chance fix another sister’s crown, another chance to be nice, another chance to apologise, another chance to start afresh, another chance to appreciate the second chance. Given another chance what would you do with it? What would you do differently when given another chance? Would you take a second bite of the cherry? Utilise this chance accordingly. If it means apologising, appreciating someone go ahead and do so for for we know not the hour. Embrace the chance and put it to good use. Thank God for the second chance and show your appreciation. This is another chance to do what? Another chance to spite someone? A chance to pull others down? Another chance to speak ill of others? It is another chance to make things right. Another chance to take stock of yourself. A chance to be nice, a chance to be you and not let others control. A chance to take charge. Another chance to enjoy and not be apologetic about it. Another chance to be genuine, another chance to let God lead, another chance to love more, another chance to be honest, another chance to mind your own business, another chance to support the good being done by others. Another chance to be yourself, to be real and stay in your lane and focused. Another chance to surrender all to Jesus.

Concerntrating on defects

Generally we do not easily respond to questions. Responding to a question directly seems to take a huge tall order on us. When a question is posed we tend to think too much instead of simply answering. At times when we finally respond we tend to give a lot of unnecessary information. This information usually exposes us to unwanted and unwarranted doubts. The person asking the question will either be confused or will go on to ask more questions due to the new supplied information. Had we directly responded to their first question no further questions would be asked. When David asked as to whether there was anyone from the house of Saul so that he would show kindness to the person, the response was there is Jonathan’s son who is crippled. The question was simple but it brought out disability issues in response. One would argue that it was proper because they wanted to be clear from the onset but the question was ‘is there anyone’. Whether fit or disabled was not part of the question. We tend to volunteer lots of information at times which is highly uncalled for. By responding according to the requirements of the question we protect our dignity since we do not know how the person asking will respond. It is advisable that we just not give out information lest we lengthen a very short conversation unnecessarily. Let some aspects be discovered instead of volunteering unasked for information. Yes it may be advantageous to an extent to freely give information, usually it results in disclosing new information. By dwelling on people’s defects we bring about conflict which may not be easily resolved. We should ask ourselves whether it is necessary to say some of the things or not. It should always be borne in mind that concerntrating on the other’s defects does not make the situation any better. In fact it says a lot about us. Why not teach ourselves to concentrate on the good rather than the defective side. May we not concentrate on other people’s defects but the positive aspects. Positivity results in general improvement.

Compliments

It is pointless to pick on one’s bad side because time isn’t on our side. They will pass on without us acknowledging the good things they did. No one knows the hour so let’s compliment each other. Saying it at the grave side is pointless because the intended recipient will not hear anything. Let’s praise them while they are still alive so that we encourage them to continue doing more of the good things. Complimenting one makes them feel loved, noticed and appreciated. It shows we value what they are doing. Compliments can inspire someone to want to change their way of life and embark on a new journey which is full of blessings. By verbalising our compliments we are urging one to go on doing well. It shows that we are not jealous but are in support of the good thy are doing. By entioning the good done by people we communicate to them them that we want some more. Complimentary comments keep one going. They make one continue taking cognisance of his actions and the people surrounding them. They would want to continue because someone is noticing and they would not want to disappoint. Let’s major on the good one does and encourage corrections on the areas which they lack. Complimenting does not mean we turn a blind eye to the areas which are not being done well. Let’s also make an effort to bring to their attention those areas which require attention. Let’s highlight the good people do so that they know their strengths. This may make them want to work on weak areas so as to be complimented holistically in future. Let’s develop a habit of taking note of the good things others do rather than picking on the bad only. It is of no use making a long speech at the graveside about how good one was at doing something while they can no longer hear. Saying this at the graveside would only benefit the living while the appropriate beneficiary will not get it. Please let us not withold those compliments. Let’s pass those complimentary comments now so that one can happily continue in that path of doing well. Let it be our habit of complimenting others for the good things they do so as to put a smile on someone’s face. Let us desist from always being quick to point at one’s bad side, what they are not good at but rather compliment, support and if possible help teach them improve their not so good areas.

Approach…

Does the way we approach people really matter? Is it necessary to be humble when approaching one? Without humility issues cannot be easily resolved. Approach is a critical aspect in conflict resolution, failure which nothing will be resolved. Let’s approach people with humility so that we address the sticky issues successfully. The way we approach people determines whether we get a positive outcome or not. It is therefore necessary to properly time our program so that we address particular issues at the appropriate time. Timing +approach +language = positive result. Also we have to be careful how we talk. The tone of voice is of importance too. Again wording should be taken into consideration. Avoid using accusatory language so as to fix the area of concern. Start by stating the positives then gradually proceed to the bone of contention. Approach is an essential attribute in conflict resolution, when seeking clarity and communication in general. Lastly one’s approach says a lot about their motive. Peaceful approach is commendable.

Fitting in…

Why do people love fitting in? Does it really matter with whom one associates? Fitting in makes one surrender themselves to someone for fitting in’s sake. One ceases to be themselves so as to blend in. Fitting into a group comes with it’s own fair share of challenges because one has to set aside their values so as to jel in. Does one have to go through all this so as to be accepted? One is easily swayed so as to relate with the group members.Those doing it are yelling out that they are not enough hence the fitting in. They choose words, change their modus operandi so as to fit in. By trying to fit in one is saying ‘while growing up I wasn’t prepared to face life on my own’ Be extra ordinary by refusing to fit in. Do you, be yourself because you don’t need anybody’s approval to survive on this planet. By doing so one will be cutting away a piece of themselves so as to fit in. Fitting in makes one learn new practices all the time solely because they want to please the group. Fitting in is squeezing oneself where they are not invited. By so doing they lose themselves to please the crowd. This requires exerting some energy which is not necessary. One has to twist themselves so as to fit in and do the group norms. Rather fit out so that you are yourself. Don’t apologise for being you or doing you. By fitting in one is declaring their weakness. They are telling the world that they can’t be themselves hence the squeezing in instead of standing out. Rather be a square peg in a round hole instead of running with other people’s ideas. Better be a sore thumb and enjoy your freedom, doing things the way you want, at your own time, without any pressure. You are enough. Don’t be scared of standing out. Be you, do you, and enjoy your life.

Blowing someone else’s candle

How pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity… Blowing other people’s candles does not improve our positions. It does not place one at some better point, neither does it make yours shine brighter. By ruining someone’s day it does not make yours any better. In blowing someone’s candle one displays their cry for help which they are not willing to seek. This doesn’t make you smarter than the other person. Nothing of yours improves by so doing. The blower’s life does not flow smoothly because they blew someone’s candle. Their daily life’s challenges do not go away because they blew someone’s candle. One wonders why they do it in the first place when it adds no value to their lives. Blowing the other’s candle does not make one a heavenly candidate but are placed on the opponent’s camp. It also does not make them grow but are rather spiritually stunted. One does not get wiser by blowing other people’s candles. Instead of blowing others candles it is advisable to learn from them so we improve ourselves too. Blowing others candles has a negative impact in their lives and growth. Blowing people’s candles is simply being mean. This displays one’s weakness. One’s character isn’t built by blowing the other’s candle. Let’s not be bent on doing the negative but spread love, kindness and peace. Our presence in other people’s lives should be some sweet aroma. Instead of breaking each other let us build each other. There is so much joy in rising together. A unified force is powerful than a fragmented one.

Journeying with our children…

As parents we easily pick our children’s naughty behaviours. It seems as if we are hell bent on recognising that. It’s like it is in our nature to realize such behaviours. We also try and provide all the school requirements. After paying the school fees we also relax. We do not check if all is going on well. As parents we should journey with them. Paying fees is not enough. Our children need us in all aspects of life. Of course we may run around to provide for our children but forget their emotional and psychological wellbeing. As parents we overlook these aspects which make our children a whole being. We also would do ourselves a great favour if we journey with the teachers at the beginning of the term so that there are no surprises on the ‘consultation day’. The emotional wellbeing should be well catered for so that so that a lot of challenges are evaded or we are prepared to handle them head on. It is advisable to be wholly present in our children’s lives. Let’s not be part timers in our children’s lives. By being present they may be able to share with us what may be bothering them. They might open up and get the much needed support earlier. If we journey with them they may share their struggles and weaknesses. Let us offer a listening ear to them so that we don’t regret on this more important period. It is not easy but let’s try and create some relationship with our children. When they share in confidence let’s keep the information as such so that they don’t loose trust in us. With this relationship suicidal ideation is reduced because they have someone they can confide in. Let us speak life in our children’s life. Let them know we are their number one supporter. As parents let’s be their pillar of strength. If we make the environment conducive we will be able to recognise if they are wounded emotionally so that we help them or seek the necessary help for them. While journeying with them we help them make their choices right, choose friends wisely and career choices according to their strengths. Let’s not dwell on the negative but identify their strengths and assist them grow them. Let us be present in our children’s lives.